Riley and Davis at Silver Dollar City

Riley and Davis at Silver Dollar City

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Why Thanksgiving Still Matters

Often times it feels like we see Thanksgiving Day as nothing more than the starting gate to the Holiday season. I am guilty of that as well. This year, between my daughter reminding me of the story of the first Thanksgiving and my own need for reflection, I am treating Thanksgiving with respect.
The reason we celebrate isn't because we need to take time to look around at the things we have and be thankful. Although we almost certainly need to do that from time to time. The reason for Thanksgiving is, to me, a reminder that we are human and our ability to survive and thrive is in some part due to the grace and kindness of other humans.
Seriously, think about what was in the hearts and minds of those Native Americans so long ago. They did not see the religion or race or language of the Pilgrims. They saw people who needed help. As we go through life we all have a turn of being the Pilgrim. Times when you are unsure where to turn, how to move yourself forward, times of uncertainty.  Admitting we are weak, whether it be our health, our finances, or just our own insecurities is always hard. Think about who were your Native Americans when you were in need. Have you thanked them? Did you pay forward their gift to you? Have you taken your turn being the one to help, to guide, to reassure?

Thanksgiving matters. It is our reminder that we are all trying to achieve the same goals. We are all here to help one another. To move ourselves in a better direction. To serve ourselves and others in grace and kindness.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Deer Season

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to get to share my love of the outdoors and hunting with my daughter. While deer hunting normally provides ample time for quiet reflection, time to take stock of my life and the beauty of nature, this year was different. Being in a hunting blind with a six year old is the exact opposite of that. She fidgets, she talks, she is just full of energy. Opening morning was quiet, still, warm and terrible for deer hunting. I did see one deer, a buck, at nearly 300 yards, trotting along, but at that time Riley was lying down in the blind I didn't get her stirred quickly enough to see him. 
While that little activity broke up the time, it wasn't enough for her and she quickly decried deer hunting as boring. We wrapped up the morning hunt with no one having success. After lunch Riley took a nap, and as I was trying to get her awake for the evening hunt she declared "she didn't like hunting anymore" and "she wasn't going".  Well that wasn't an option, so under protest we got her back in her hunting gear, into the truck and off we went. As soon as we pulled into the hunting location she perked back up and was ready to go. Again, it was hot, windy and poor conditions to see much deer activity. She and I talked a lot about deer habits and I told her stories about hunts I had been on before. As she got restless I pulled out the Kindle for her to play games and help pass the time. Just shortly after 5:00, a doe stepped out about 150 yards away. I got Riley to look at her through the binoculars and I asked "do you want to watch her, or do you want me to shoot?". She wanted me to shoot her. So while she got her hearing protection on and got her binoculars refocused on the grazing, but very suspicious, doe, I got my gun ready. I asked Riley again if she was sure she wanted me to shoot and she gave an emphatic "yes".
So I made my shot. While it wasn't perfect, she dropped right there. Of course Riley was ready to run out of the blind and go see her right away, I explained that we still had time to watch for another deer. In her words, "So we could use that doe as bait for a bigger deer". A new way to look at it.
After Dad and Jerry got over to us after shooting time, we set out to get our doe.
Riley finally got to see what she had been waiting for, how to gut a deer. She was enthralled.
The moaning about being bored faded away pretty quickly now that she had, not only seen a deer, but got to be part of a kill.

Well, the next morning, despite a late night Riley popped out of bed ready to hunt again. While she and I didn't see anything, Dad got a button buck. Riley was just as excited the second day.

While that was the conclusion of deer season 2012 for us, Riley is already talking about turkey season!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

MishMash SplishSplash

So, a lot happens in a week. It has been so busy I am having trouble keeping up with what happened when.
I'll go back in time a bit, last Tuesday I said Alicia was home with meds, but I published that before she had gotten up, and by noon on Tuesday she was back in the hospital. Home health did not calculate her meds correctly and she was feeling worse than she had for quite some time. She stayed in the hospital until Tuesday evening of this week, when she left the hospital she went to our mom and dad's house so she could ease back into the real world instead of going straight home. By mid-afternoon yesterday, less than 24 hours, she was back in the hospital again. I don't know what the plan is, or what direction they are seeing for her at this point, she has chemo today and then she will have 3 full weeks of nothing until her next chemo treatment. In that time she should make vast improvements.

Meanwhile, in my life...
We had great meetings last week for work. It was perfect weather to be out on farm visits and salebarns and to work on improving myself as a livestock grader. I also loved that I got to spend time with our field staff, who are scattered across the state.

Davis left yesterday afternoon with Dad and went to spend a few days on the farm. He loves it there. They feed cattle, drive big trucks, and spends all his time outside. I imagine it is heaven to that kid.

Riley got to check out her first ever library book this week. It further solidified her love of books. School has made her so mature and I just love it.

Millie and Lizzy got baths and new collars this week. They feel pretty and since they don't get much mention here, I thought I would share. Also you can picture two dogs in one tub and Riley, Davis and I all trying to scrub them at the same time. It was interesting.

Thanks for tuning in...

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Random Ramblings

For those of you who read here for updates on Alicia, I'll get that out of the way first. She has her final radiation treatment today. She is home with a fanny pack of IV meds so things have been fairly good. A couple weeks from now, she will officially be at the bottom and ready to start climbing back to the top.

Bo will be 6 months on Saturday. He is "crawling", and apparently he is quite innovative 'cause I have never seen a kid take the same approach to mobility that he is using.

Last night I trusted Riley to do her homework in her bedroom with the TV on. And it actually worked out! She had a perfectly completed worksheet. I am very proud.

While making homemade hashbrowns last night I accomplished a lifelong goal, I got the whole skillet crispy and flipped it whole. I was very excited.

Davis is still proving trustworthy with his Legos. Another thing I am super proud of since he can be a bit of a tornado. He has kept the kits together and picks them up after each time he plays with them.

Riley's school had a Chili Supper and Carnival last Friday. The kids had a blast. We really appreciated the school employees and parents who made the event successful. A special shoutout to the boy/cub scouts who were helping in the cafeteria.

Later this week I have meetings in Palymra/Hannibal/Other Rural North East towns. Other people have meetings in cities, we have to find the most country places we can for meetings.

Happy Fall!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Alicia Update

Alicia is back home. They have her refreshed and ready to tackle a few days of fighting through this routine at home. It is expected that she will need to be hospitalized at least once, if not two or three more times. Just all part of the process.

She has twelve radiation treatments left! They way the radiation works, she doesn't walk out of that final appointment and the body starts healing. Rather the radiation continues to "cook" the cells for weeks after the final dose. It will take time, she will still be fighting the pain and other side effects of the treatments up to a month after they are done. But the more they can tear her down now, the stronger she will be rebuilt.

I will say, I knew that she would be in pain. I have done my research and thought I knew what to expect, how to support her, what issues may come up. And some of the process has been worse than I imagined, while others are not so bad. The burns on her neck aren't as bad as I had prepared. Her nausea is much worse. Actual everything is much more wave-like than I previously realized. A wave of feeling good can carry her pretty far. A wave of pain or sickness can really drag her down, and the higher the wave of bad the harder it is for her to swim to the top before the next wave takes her over again. That's when she has learned to ask for help. I still can't believe how mentally and physically strong she is; and that makes seeing her in pain so much worse. There is more I want to say, but I don't have the right words today.

Thanks again to everyone for all your thoughts and prayers.
If you have any questions let me know!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Hospital stay 2

Well, I'm typing this update from Alicia's hospital room. She was admitted yesterday morning to try and regain control over the pain and nausea. Alicia is still hanging on knowing that the end is in sight. She did her 20th radiation treatment today and has 15 to go, so that has been a boost.
She wants me to make sure that everyone knows the reason she is in the hospital isn't the cancer getting to her, it is the cancer treatments kicking her butt. And she feels better here than anywhere (the meds are better too).

All of the offers of service and help are more than appreciated, and right now Alicia is most looking forward to hanging out and having some fun once this is all over.

I'll let everyone know when she heads home.

Thursday, August 30, 2012


Alicia went home yesterday afternoon.  She is more rested and better medicated than a few days ago,so she is doing pretty well. As she said yesterday, "You don't get a badge for going through treatments without pain meds".

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, prayers, offers of help and caring.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

She'll probably be mad that I posted this...

Alicia is working through some issues right now. While her throat is not swollen, her mouth is (from some wickedly bad thrush) and that has her in pain. Trying to balance her need for nutrition, pain management and comfort has become a priority this week. She is in the hospital, as that is the best place for the doctors to work out all the kinks of her meds and such. She is still leaving the hospital to do radiation and that will stay on schedule. I tell you that, so that no one starts envisioning her curled up on a hospital bed unable to function. She has trouble talking (dry mouth, thrush, and a swollen tongue) but she looks great. A week from today she will be more than halfway through with the radiation which will be a nice milestone. Her days at the hospital look a lot like her days at home, lots of sleep and trashy TV. And keep your Facebook posts interesting, ‘cause she reads that a lot too.

So, once she feels well rested and the docs feel like her med combinations are all correct, she’ll head home.

And a minor victory for her: her hair is growing back!

Friday, August 10, 2012

It's Elementary

Next week I have a big deadline coming up. It’s something I’ve been planning for years, something that I have known about and been looking forward to, and next week it will be here. I have always told myself that by that time my kids started elementary school I would be organized. Well, in 6 days Riley starts Kindergarten. So that means I have 6 days to get organized. To know where things are in my home. To remember makeup everyday (yes, I often forget to put makeup on). To know how to get pesky stains out of the laundry (full disclosure: I don’t do any of the laundry in the house). To have a menu plan and with well-rounded nutritious options for everyday of the week. To know how to make adorable crafts for every holiday that will delight the kiddies and teachers alike. To have a household calendar with all of the family’s comings and goings posted for all to see so that no detail is overlooked. To notice the stain on my shirt before I leave the house. To notice that the kids have on mismatched socks before bedtime. To start feeding the kids breakfast. To have a process for sorting the mail, paying the bills and those other office-type tasks. To have a system for the kids to be able to match their own outfits. To get organized.

I have 6 days. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? I mean, just because I am 30, and have been a mother for 6 years, and I have never been capable of any of the above tasks doesn’t mean I’m not going to be able to overcome all of those obstacles in 6 days, does it?

If you see me crying next Thursday, it isn’t because my daughter started kindergarten. No, it’s probably because I don’t have makeup on, wearing a stained shirt, unable to find my keys on the day I was supposed to start being organized.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


Well, the next phase of treatment is here. Alicia will begin radiation tomorrow, along with the new chemo treatment. Her radiation will be 35 treatments and the chemo will be once weekly during those seven weeks.

All of the biopsy samples from a couple weeks ago were negative.

The feeding tube, while a bit uncomfortable and somewhat unpleasant, is in good shape.

While chemo was certainly difficult, that was honestly the easier part of the treatment plan. I don’t want to put words in Alicia’s mouth, and I mostly try to stick to the facts in this blog, but the radiation will be quite hellish.

I’ll attempt to explain what they are doing: First, radiation is the standard of care for any cancer of the neck or throat, so this isn’t something that most doctors would consider optional. The type of radiation they are using is external-beam radiation (which means they are literally pointing a beam of radiation at the target area). Radiation works by damaging the DNA of the abnormal or unhealthy cells. Sometimes this action occurs because of the radiation itself altering the cell, and sometimes a free radical forms and creates the damage to the DNA in that way. One of the reasons that side-effects occur is because while the radiation is creating a change to the “bad” cells it can also damage the “good” cells. This is a calculated risk and is done within the parameters of how much radiation any one part of the body can tolerate. To insure that the correct area is targeted each treatment, a mold is made. This mold can also protect the neighboring tissue areas that they do not want to be affected. Each treatment the radiation machine (called LINAC) will aim the stream of particles at the precise area and angle where it has been determined to be most effective. This type of radiation does not make her radioactive (there are some radiation therapies where they inject or ingest the radioactive materials and those are the ones that make the patient radioactive). There are a long (I mean really long) list of side effects for radiation therapy. The big ones are moderate to severe burning (somewhere between the worst sunburn you have ever seen and a chemical burn), nausea, loss of salivary gland function, and extreme fatigue. The burn becomes progressively worse over the course of treatment. Obviously of great concern is the fact that most people become unable to eat or drink during this time. That is why Alicia had the feeding tube placed. It is more likely than not, that before the radiation is over she will be taking all fluids and nutrition via tube as oral consumption will be physically impossible.

By my calculations the final treatment will be around September 26.

If you have questions about any of the process or procedures please ask me. I will be glad to explain. I hope that I didn’t make all of this more confusing.

Thank you all for you continued support and prayers for Alicia!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Feeding Tube

Yesterday Alicia had her feeding tube placed. The surgery went really well and she is feeling pretty good. She did have to stay overnight at the hospital but that was expected.

The feeding tube will only be used if/when her throat becomes too irritated from radiation to eat by mouth. Until that point she is able to eat normally. Once she is to the point of needing to tube feed it is a fairly simple matter of using a syringe to put formula directly into her stomach.

As of now radiation is set to start next week, while that will be difficult, it is also short term. Seven weeks, 35 treatments...

If anyone has any questions, post them in the comments...Thanks!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Quick Update

It has been too long since we have given everyone an update on Alicia. First of all, the port placement last month went amazingly well. Much better than her first one from day one. She had her final round of aggressive chemo!
She had a new set of scans done last week and they determined that more information was needed. In follow up to that she had another biopsy done yesterday on the tongue and tonsil.
Last week she got measured for her radiation "cast" and the start date to that remains to be seen.
Next week she will have a feeding tube put in since the radiation will interfere with her ability to eat. I'll try to post some details about the feeding tube in another post...

Bo is doing great. Naturally he loves me and thinks I am hilarious...
Actually he loves everyone and is quick to laugh at pretty much anything. Hard to believe that he is just a few days from 4 months.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments or shoot me an email!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A new update...lots of information!

Alicia had her third chemo treatment yesterday. While she was there she had a consultation with her doctor. Dr. Laux (pronounced Low) gave her the results of the DNA battery that was ordered by Dr. Greco (of Tennessee Oncology). They did find a genetic mutation. This mutation is considered a somatic (aka sporadic) mutation. These types of genetic mutations are considered defective, not because they get turned on and cause havoc, but rather because they get turned off. When they get turned off the body doesn’t know when to kill off the bad cells, when to repair damaged cells, or when to tell cells to slow their division. This makes the mutation related to the “tumor-suppressor” genes. To be clear, this is not a hereditary mutation, it is a sporadic genetic mutation. That means that Bo can’t “get” it from Alicia, it means that those related to her are not at an increased risk for the mutation, and it means that now that they know the source there are ways to overcome the mutation. So, Dr. Laux and Dr. Greco have charted a new course of treatment. They started the first step of that new path yesterday. While she did the regularly scheduled treatment, she also did a new additional treatment. This new treatment, while still a form of chemotherapy, is designed to trick the body into turning on those defective genes that it is trying to turn off. This new therapy will be administered for a year. It is not as aggressive (and not quite as toxic) and therefore not as draining to her as the current treatments have the potential to be. In three weeks she will get her final dose of the initial treatments and another dose of the new drug. In the weeks following that final aggressive treatment she is now set to have radiation done as well. At this point we don’t know as much about the radiation as we will when that date gets closer but it looks like that will be daily for six weeks, and during that time she will also be receiving the new chemo every day. The radiation is a proactive step and will help the doctors, and Alicia, to feel more confident that the cancer cells will not be able to make a return.

In addition to getting her treatment yesterday, during her visit with Dr. Laux, he was not happy with her chemo port and determined that it needed to be removed immediately. He did the removal in his office. Because she has another year of chemo ahead, he recommended that she go ahead with the insertion of a new port, rather than rely on doing a long(er) term chemo by IV. So, today Alicia will be going in to have a new port put in on the opposite side. While unexpected, having a port in place will simplify her treatments over the long term.

I hope this was all clear and helped everyone to understand the broad picture of her diagnosis and treatment.

A couple nights ago, Chris, Alicia, Addison, Brooke, and Bo went to see Grandma O. Bo was lovin' it!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Thoughts for a Thursday

Riley's first few days of summer school have been great. I am so proud of how grown up it makes her seem.

Davis had his first "baseball" practice last night and he loved it! He got his pants and shoes dirty and was quite happy with that too.

It seems like when you have something to do on multiple evenings in a week that the week goes by quite fast. And since we now have a kids activity two nights for most of the summer, I am afraid the whole summer is going to fly by!

I have been watching a lot of stuff about the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. It is hard to imagine all the things she has seen change; all the change she has affected. 60 years of her reign is certainly something to be celebrated.

Just a few more weeks until Mizzou is officially in the SEC. I am really excited for that chapter to start.

Happy Thursday, ya'll!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Cleaning Out the Camera

I realized this morning that I have taken over 400 pictures in the last few months and it was time to clean out the camera.
There have been some exciting things happening since then!
Bo was born!

We celebrated Easter!
Went to Silver Dollar City!
Bo celebrated his one month birthday!
Back to Silver Dollar City with Rita and Leon!
Went to the St. Louis Zoo!
Riley's last day of pre-school!
Russ went with us to SDC!
We went to the races!
Riley's First Tee Ball Game! (more pics in a follow up post)
And Riley started summer school!

And summer is just getting underway! We have a lot of adventures ahead!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Thoughts for a Thursday

I haven't written one of these in forever. Just feel like I need to...

Riley is done with daycare. She starts Kindergarten Summer School on Monday. I think she is really excited but I have a feeling that she will be a little scared when it is actually time to walk in the door.

Davis is a mess lately. Not having his sister at daycare with him has rocked his world. And he's just a weird age, he feels big and can do a lot of big stuff but still is so very small sometimes.

We have new neighbors. They are a super nice young couple (and yes I know that makes me sound like an old lady). It is nice to see some younger people moving into the neighborhood. Kinda refreshing.

Someone asked me how old I am the other day, I responded "28, I mean 30". How did I miss two birthdays? It was unintentional, not like a joke about not wanting to be 30, I just genuinely forgot. So I assume that means I will be forgetting to put on pants to go to the grocery store soon, seems like the next logical step.

Riley has her first Tee Ball game tonight. I really hope it doesn't rain. And that I remember batteries for my camera.

Bo turned 2 months a couple days ago. He went swimming over the weekend and loved it. He just completely relaxed in the water.

And today, May 31, 2012 is our 7th Anniversary. Wow. The moments have passed by so fast that it feels like my memories are all stored on a ViewMaster, just a click and a little glimpse into our life, click and a new chapter, click and another brief moment is remembered. I am very thankful for all we have, very thankful to have learned to turn towards each other in tough times and not away, very thankful that we have changed and grown. And most of all, thankful we are still in love.

Happy Thursday everyone!!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Quick Update

Sorry for the long time since my last post about Alicia.  She is doing well and treatments are continuing as planned.  She has lost her hair but has otherwise has not had many side effects.  She had her second chemo treatment on Tuesday and that went well also.  Bo turned 8 weeks yesterday and he is doing great! Alicia returns to work on Tuesday and Bo will start going to the babysitter!
Not much else going on as Alicia is in wait-and-see mode. 
Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Alicia Update!

Bo had his One Month Birthday on Sunday! He had a checkup on Monday and weighed 9lbs 10ozs and was 21 inches. He is out of newborn clothes and moved on up to 3 month. His favorite hobbies include: swinging, eating, and grunting.

Alicia has a diagnosis of Adenocarcinoma of Unknown Origin. There is not a primary tumor to source the cancer to, however the DNA results indicate a strong match to Salivary Gland Cancer. She and the doctors were both anxious to get treatment underway so she had her first chemotherapy dose yesterday. She will have just three more treatments, then begin radiation (and depending on how well the first chemo round went, maybe a little more chemo with the radiation). Following radiation, surgery may be an option as well to remove any remaining tissues of concern.

Side effects for chemo vary and are unpredictable from dose to dose. They are proactive about relieving most of the common side effects, such as nausea and the general malaise feelings. She is given anti-nausea medicine and a steroid with her treatment. She may lose her hair, she may have excessive fatigue, appetite may come and go, right now it is all a wait and see game. The biggest concern during the course of chemo therapy is the suppression of the immune system and the risk of infection associated with that. For several days after a dose she will most likely be avoiding public places, and will need to avoid anyone who may be sick.

The most important thing to remember at this point, is that no one has all the answers. While she would love to know what the next few months are going to look like, and to know how she will feel, there is no way to know. As treatments progress she may know more, but as with babies, once you think you have it figured out, it is probably going to change.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Dish on Lish

Alicia has had a busy week so far. On Monday she had three appointments to further investigate the possibly source of malignancy. She had a mammogram and pelvic ultrasound (due to the nature of the cancer cells appearing somewhat estrogen-y) and she met with an ENT specialist because of the swelling being isolated to her neck (cervical lymph nodes) and a small spot under her tongue that was noted on her PET scan from a couple weeks ago. Tuesday she had her chemo port put in and while she was in surgery they also took a biopsy from the location under her tongue. She has not received any results from this continued investigative work. They are also still waiting for those more detailed results of the initial biopsy that were sent to the lab in California.

As we get more information we will be sure to pass that on. Thanks to everyone for your continued positive thoughts!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A change in direction: Alicia's Cancer

For the next few weeks, maybe months, this blog is going to become an update on Alicia’s cancer and Bo’s continuing awesomeness. We all know how hard it is the first few weeks you have a baby home. That transition, and learning a new routine, is the focus in their home. To help her focus on her nuclear family and home I will be keeping her medical updates here.
Background: On March 26th it was discovered that the lymph nodes in Alicia’s neck were enlarged. Her OB/GYN recommended that they consult with additional doctors to discover the cause of the inflammation. This resulted in a CT scan, some blood work, and a couple days later a fine needle aspiration of the lymph node site. The doctors determined that the appropriate course of action was to induce labor and ensure that Bo was here and healthy before focusing on Alicia’s needs. Inducing began the morning of March 29th and upon realizing that Bo was breech, a c-section was performed. Bo weighed in at 7lbs 5oz, 19 inches long, and was in excellent health. The family was sent home on April 1st. April 3rd, Alicia had a surgical biopsy performed on the left lymph node; April 4th was a CT scan. On April 10th the results of the biopsy returned a rather vague result, Adenocarcinoma of Unknown Origin. This basically means that the cells tell them the cancer started in some type of fluid making cells, but they can’t tell where since there is not a mass/tumor/cluster to start from. Not satisfied with the plan of action laid out with the doctors here, and with the help of others, Alicia got an appointment at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Research Center in Nashville. So on Thursday, April 12th, she had an early morning PET scan in Columbia, followed by a very generously offered private flight to Nashville. While she was flying to Nashville, her biopsy was flying to Minnesota to the Mayo Clinic, and to a research center in California. The consultation in Nashville gave the following information: the cancer was spurred by the extremely high levels of estrogen in pregnancy, the doctor did not see anything concerning on the PET scan, the doctor did not believe that further testing would result in the ability to more successfully treat the cancer than what he already knew. The sample he had sent to California is being analyzed for a more specific DNA sequence, not just a pathology. This doctor also recommended that she receive all her treatment in Jeff City and sent his care plan to an oncologist here.
Alicia’s initial meeting with that oncologist was Monday, April 16. At that meeting it they found out the initial biopsy pathology was confirmed as Adenocarcinoma of Unknown Origin by the Mayo Clinic analysis. She will have a chemo port put in and will received 6 chemo treatments over an 18 week period and will then have surgery to remove the lymph nodes entirely. The surgery to insert the chemo port is currently scheduled for Tuesday, April 24.
I will post more information as it becomes available. If you have questions, please post them in the comments and if it is information I have I will reply, or I will ask Alicia when I can and get back to you.
Bo eats a lot, has an inconsistent schedule, doesn’t always sleep, poops a lot, cries very little, and is generally a perfect 2.5 week old.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Clark Griswold Syndrome

I don’t know when it happened. But the last few years my Clark Griswold Syndrome has really taken off. There is little awareness of this horrible affliction and even less help for it, but chances are you know someone who is affected. In case you are not familiar, the primary symptoms of CGS are setting extraordinary expectations for an event (usually family related) and becoming a bit off kilter when those expectations are not met. I’ve never taken a chainsaw to the newel post, but I have gone into long rants about my inability to form the perfect family moment. Of course since I never tell anyone of my high standards before the performance falls flat, those around me can hardly be blamed. This knowledge does not deter me from doing the same thing repeatedly.
I realized while daydreaming about our summer I am setting myself up for some epic CGS meltdowns. We’ll go swimming, we’ll go to Silver Dollar City, I’ll take Riley on a special shopping trip to St. Louis, and we’ll walk to the corner store for produce every day…it goes on and on. But none of my daydreams include me forgetting the sunscreen, bringing the “wrong” stuffed animal, screaming children, temper tantrums, or all the other mishaps that are bound to come along the way. None of the daydreams fail to meet my vision and expectations. And that is at the heart of CGS. Because what I think is going to happen, what I hope with all my heart will happen, it ain’t gonna happen.

Maybe I’ll tone down and get a handle on it this year. Or maybe this is the year I torch the Christmas tree.

February Fun

I don't know how we have gotten so lucky with the weather this winter. We had enough snow for a good sledding, one day, then it was gone. Now we are having spring weather!

Missouri is nothing if not unpredictable though.

We have had a lot of outside time lately.

This is a blessing with a very, ahem, active three year old with an even more active imagination.
And a very competitive five year old.

I need to practice with the blog some more and get a few more posts edited. I added a few new pictures to the bottom of the page layout. They aren't very good. But I want them there to remind myself that I need to practice with my camera. I need to work on getting some good pictures to capture our lives.

This isn't a real post. But I have couple in the works!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I'm back. I think.

I haven’t blogged in months, more like a year. Not that the date stamps didn’t make that obvious. But I have decided to change my approach. Instead of worrying about whether people will want to read what I write I am going to write whatever I want and leave the choice about reading it to whatever poor saps happen across this space. With that thrilling re-introduction I hope to have several posts up in the next few days. I said hope…