A big part of wanting to blog again, is that I realized that writing matters to me. I like writing. It makes me feel good. It used to at least. I am having a hard time getting a groove. I don't like the way my writing sounds anymore. So, I am going to write my way out of it. I am going to write something in this space everyday. And eventually I'll find the voice that I am missing. Hopefully.
When my kids were little and I ended each day drained from feeling like I had given myself to them fully, I thought that there was no way that any other phase of life could be that difficult. And then my kids grew. And I no longer need to carry them from place to place or cut their food into bits, or even give them a bath. Instead I have to help them learn what genuine friendship looks like and how to know what sacrifices are most beneficial, even learning how to cope with the results of making a decision that didn't work out. I know that the hard years of social media, and driving and academic rigor are ahead.
I hope to focus on showing them what real friendship is by modeling that behavior, by having conversations about the difference in friends and acquaintances and how I vary what I share with each. I hope that by letting them be a part of the big decisions we make, I can minimize the fallout from poor decision making, and if I can't that I can show them how to bounce once you have made a mistake.