Brain Dump

A lot has been going on within my house and I want to do a better job of remembering. So, in an effort to actually chronicle my life I want to blog more. 

-Last night my girl and I had a heart-wrenching moment.  She got really upset at bedtime, totally unlike her, normally she trots to her room and is snoring before I can get there to kiss her goodnight.  So I went in to try to calm her down and she did the whole feral cat screeching and telling me to leave her alone.  I told her I loved her and left the room.  Before the door was even closed she started to cry so hard she couldn't breathe.  I decided that everyone needs a deep cry sometimes and went on to my room.  A few minutes later she came in, crawled up on me and cried into my neck.  She said she wanted to say something terrible to me.  I reassured her that she could tell me anything.  She said that her brain was telling her to say "I hate you", but that saying it made her feel like she hates herself.  So I let her cry a bit longer.  Then we had a talk about love and hate and being hurt.  We talked about hate itself, how it is a dark feeling and to make hate go away we have to concentrate on light feelings.  She asked a lot of questions and calmed down, even smiling, before declaring she was ready for bed.  After she went to her room, I took a minute to think.  And my reflection is this:  I think Riley knows that she can trust to tell me anything, anytime.  I think the fact that even thinking about saying she hated me had her that upset and torn means that she has a pretty good moral compass.  And I think I have started to get pretty good at explaining real life to her.  I don't always like that she is getting so grown up, but I do like that her understanding of things bigger than herself makes big conversations or heavier topics easier to discuss.

-Davis is at the farm with Jerry for the week.  This means that he hardly has time to talk to me.  But last night I manage to get him on the phone for a few seconds.  When I asked him if he was being good, he said "I am being so, so good mom".  I am suspicious.

-I know this isn't the first time I have made this declaration, but I am going to teach myself to run.  Like run for health and exercise.  I need to reduce by belly bulge a bit (I am NOT going to buy new shorts for this summer) and I need to cope with some stress better than I have been.  I think Running will be a good thing if I can just get started.  They say it takes 21 days for a habit to form, so I am going to try to run every weekday for a month.  We'll see...

-Spring is never coming...I'm sure of it.  Freaking snow in the forecast several upcoming days.  Grrr.

-Since my daffodils have bloomed, maybe Spring will come.  Or maybe after the snow clears out we'll just skip right to 85 and summer.