Look! Over there!

Updates on Alicia will now have their own home.

http://aliciasadvocates.weebly.com/

Go to the blog page to see updates on her treatments.

Brain Dump

A lot has been going on within my house and I want to do a better job of remembering. So, in an effort to actually chronicle my life I want to blog more. 

-Last night my girl and I had a heart-wrenching moment.  She got really upset at bedtime, totally unlike her, normally she trots to her room and is snoring before I can get there to kiss her goodnight.  So I went in to try to calm her down and she did the whole feral cat screeching and telling me to leave her alone.  I told her I loved her and left the room.  Before the door was even closed she started to cry so hard she couldn't breathe.  I decided that everyone needs a deep cry sometimes and went on to my room.  A few minutes later she came in, crawled up on me and cried into my neck.  She said she wanted to say something terrible to me.  I reassured her that she could tell me anything.  She said that her brain was telling her to say "I hate you", but that saying it made her feel like she hates herself.  So I let her cry a bit longer.  Then we had a talk about love and hate and being hurt.  We talked about hate itself, how it is a dark feeling and to make hate go away we have to concentrate on light feelings.  She asked a lot of questions and calmed down, even smiling, before declaring she was ready for bed.  After she went to her room, I took a minute to think.  And my reflection is this:  I think Riley knows that she can trust to tell me anything, anytime.  I think the fact that even thinking about saying she hated me had her that upset and torn means that she has a pretty good moral compass.  And I think I have started to get pretty good at explaining real life to her.  I don't always like that she is getting so grown up, but I do like that her understanding of things bigger than herself makes big conversations or heavier topics easier to discuss.

-Davis is at the farm with Jerry for the week.  This means that he hardly has time to talk to me.  But last night I manage to get him on the phone for a few seconds.  When I asked him if he was being good, he said "I am being so, so good mom".  I am suspicious.

-I know this isn't the first time I have made this declaration, but I am going to teach myself to run.  Like run for health and exercise.  I need to reduce by belly bulge a bit (I am NOT going to buy new shorts for this summer) and I need to cope with some stress better than I have been.  I think Running will be a good thing if I can just get started.  They say it takes 21 days for a habit to form, so I am going to try to run every weekday for a month.  We'll see...

-Spring is never coming...I'm sure of it.  Freaking snow in the forecast several upcoming days.  Grrr.

-Since my daffodils have bloomed, maybe Spring will come.  Or maybe after the snow clears out we'll just skip right to 85 and summer.

First SDC trip of the Year

Last Friday was opening day for Silver Dollar City.  Thankful to have the kids' happy place open again, we headed down Friday night so we could be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for an early morning arrival at SDC.  The kids love staying in hotels, it must seem like a great adventure to them. We were at the park before open Saturday morning and got to take in the main square and shops for a bit.  It was already over 50 degrees before 9:00 and the flowers blooming, warm air, and scent of sunscreen on the kids made it feel like we had skipped ahead by several weeks.  We were lucky enough to find the bread bakery and mill already open and got a few quiet minutes with the baker there talking with the kids.  Seeing as we had no plans to ride the new roller coaster at the park, but most people were there just for that, we were surrounded by a lot of quiet in the morning as they led those willing to wait hours for Outlaw Run, on down to that area.  Opening Ceremonies at the park was off-kilter today as they went straight to the raising of the flag, the Pledge of Allegiance, and the National Anthem.  I love that they honor our Veterans and our Country every morning, and I love seeing my kids place their hands over their hearts and participate in that honor.  Our first stop was the measuring station.  Davis has grown an inch and a half since December (!) and Riley is a mere 1/8 of an inch from being able to ride all but one thing on park and being able to ride most of the rides without an adult (Crazy, but a huge relief for a mom whose body can only stand a couple rides a day).  The kids got to ride the little roller coaster and the teacups without an adult for the first time and we were thankful to see them use the rules for waiting in line and being polite to other riders around them.  Then the four of us hit Thunderation for a couple of rides and then meandered a bit before letting the kids settle in at Half Dollar Holler for a run-around.  We were disappointed to find that PowderKeg had broken down for the day and Fire in the Hole had a ridiculously long line.  So we lored the new area of the park and watched the new ride before making our way back to the little roller coaster.  Davis was ready for a break, so Riley went all alone which made her feel so grown-up.  We decided that the kids were old enough to go in the cave for the first time, got in line for that, only to be a few people too late and having to be turned away.  Rather than wait another 40 minutes we headed to the taffy shop to put together our to-go treat bags.  Then it was time to say goodbye to SDC for the day and start planning our next trip. 
When we left Branson it was 73 degrees, and we were welcomed back to Jeff City with 43 degree temps...our brief glimpse of summer got whisked away quickly!

Waiting...

Ugh, first, I don't feel like writing today, so the negative energy radiating off this post has nothing to do with Alicia.  Just me.

Anyway, Alicia and Chris got back from Houston yesterday evening.  They won't hear anything from them until at least next Friday.  The committee who will review her file (known as the Tumor Board) is on break and won't meet until next Thursday. 

After that is done, she will compare the plans and weigh the pros and cons of the two locations and the approaches to care. 

In other words we know exactly as much today as we did two weeks ago. 

And now we wait again.

~Sarah

Windy City Whirlwind

Alicia is back from a quick jaunt to Chicago.  Basic recap: She met three doctors who would form her care team if she chooses to go with them.  It was a surgeon, radiologist and a medical oncologist.  They each met with her individually plus she had a CT scan and scope.  Within the next few days they will give her their written opinion and her treatment options.  She should have that in her hand before she leaves for MD Anderson in Houston.  So, once she has met with the Texas team she'll be able to sit down and make her decision.

If you have questions, leave them in the comments and one of us will get you answers.

~Sarah

Blurbs

-Alicia will go to Chicago next week for 2 days, then Houston for an unknown amount of time the next week.  We'll know more after those two teams give their opinions.

-You know all those things you say you'll NEVER do as a parent, then you do them anyway?  Well, one of my "Never Things" was to allow my kids to play soccer.  Guess what?  Both of my kids are playing soccer.  And, I am coaching one of the teams.  I feel dirty.

-Riley has been rocking school lately.  She likes spelling tests (yay!) and also likes to do the "hot pencils" (kinda like Mad Minute if you remember those).  In general she likes tests and challenges.  Mostly because they re-affirm her "right-ness".  She really, really likes to be right. 

-Riley has also been rocking the eye-rolling, snark and dramatic tears lately. I know where the sarcasm comes from, and honestly, it doesn't bother me as much as it should.  The crying because you were told you couldn't go to a friends, that makes my blood boil. 

-Davis can go from the most snuggly, laid back, loving person to a red-faced, screaming maniac in 2 seconds.  I am getting genuinely concerned that the kid has some sort of rare selective OCD.  Like he doesn't mind sleeping with monster trucks in his bed, but might lose his mind if I scoot his cup over on the counter. 

-I am over the snow.  And yet it doesn't bother me.  I mean I am just sick of everything being one color, but the snow itself doesn't hamper me.

-Silver Dollar City opens this month.  I think we will be there at least twice in March. 

-The excitement of knowing we are going on vacation this summer is slowly being replaced by nightmare scenarios that may occur while on the roadtrip.

-A lot of good has been going on lately and I need to do better about remembering the good.