Great Smoky Mountains Family Vacation

In July we drove to Pigeon Forge, TN for our first major family vacation. I was honestly really nervous about the long drive. I was worried about not having enough to do, or too much to do.

But it went really well. And as much as I love the Rocky Mountains and I thought I might be dissapointed, the Smoky Mountains are beautiful. Quick rundown of our trip, the day we arrived we did a short auto-loop through one of the closer entraces to the park. The next day we drove around and explored a bit farther even going to our highest point of the trip. The next morning we went to Dollywood for a short time, but it was just okay. We spent that evening doing some exploring in Gatlinburg. The third morning we went to Dollywood Splash Country, which was amazing (and undocumented because I didn't take my camera). Our fourth and final "full day" we drove the Cades Cove wildlife loop. And the fifth day was the long drive home (although we left early enough to have lunch in Mid-Missouri).

Our Cabin home for the week

Cozy and perfect!



Should have taken a picture of the vaulted ceilings



First picture of rushing water (there are 150 more)

Lush, green, wet.  Beautiful.

An early settlers cabin

The Bud Ogle Cabin

Exploring the barn on the homestead

Happy "Campers"

At most of the "Scenic View" stops there were several people

Staircase of tree roots

Lower elevations, these are just called "hilltops" there.

Each of the kids got their own camera for vacation

The fam and rushing water!

Official Entrance

"A Wonder of the World"

No jagged edges here

Wish I could hear the water now

The family truckster

Getting up a bit higher now

Why head to Maine, when Sweat Heifer Creek is just ahead

"Hiking" the Appalachian Trail on a foggy morning

Look we are in two states at once!

On a clear day this western view is 100 miles, today is is 2 feet (that is fog not a fuzzy picture)

At 6642 feet!

This trail took us to the high point, you change 400 feet of elevation in a half mile

Sassy poses in the ferns

A more serious explorer

One of our favorite views

The original crafts remaining from when it was SDC Tenn are all marked

Dollywood wagon shop

Wilderness Church at Dollywood

There are several Bald Eagles in a preservation program at Dollywood

This is Pilgrim, the oldest Eagle

Blazing Fury, or as we called it, Fire in the Hole with no water.

In the "Eagles Nest"

Girls with the Butterfly

Letting Riley take me for a spin

Davis drove Daddy

At the Ireland store in Dollywood

Grist Mill

Think I could do this arrangement on our lamppost?

BIG train.  (But no robbery)

The carousel is beautiful, but the only pic I got was the rooster (Davis rode a deer and Riley a leaping horse)

On the route to Cade Cove

First deer of the morning

First bear of the day

Bucks!

Same bucks

Got all five in the one

Watched this guy bed down, even though he was being pestered

Momma with 2 cubs

Momma digging for grubs

Another bear

Momma and cubs again

Panoramic view

Still pool near the rushing water

Back toward the steeper areas of the park

On a walk near the main entrance

Kings of the "mountain"

Very cold water!

Overlooking part of Gatlinburg

Friendship

I've been thinking about friends a lot lately. I used to think that friendship was about a balanced relationship with each person I consider a friend. But that isn't true.

Friendships are about something much larger. It is about a balance amongst all relationships over time.

Over the last year, I felt at times that I did a lot of taking, without feeling like I did much giving. But that isn't true. I took from those who were there when I needed it, and I was unable to give back to that person at that time, but that giving friend(s), kept me able to give to others who needed me. And that person I gave too, maybe they passed my giving onto another friend.

Don't write off a friendship because they weren't there in a tough time, maybe they didn't have another friend to lift them up. Maybe even in your own time of need, what is most needed is to give.

We can't live our lives keeping score, we can't focus on what a person hasn't given us, we can't expect happiness. We can earn happiness, we can focus on what a person needs from us, and we know that all good things are returned to us.

Random Bits

I don't put much thought into this space (I know my 3 readers are shocked by this) but at the same time, I am not writing for anyone else, just myself.

Riley had her third pitching lesson last night. I am amazed by her. She works really hard (without being prompted or told she has to) almost everyday. She wants to be a pitcher and a softball player. I honestly don't know that I could push her as hard as she pushes herself. I don't know if starting so young will make her walk away from sports at age 12, or if she will still be playing in her 20's, but I do know that watching her gives me joy. After her lesson last night she told Sherman and I that her pitching lessons make her feel good about herself and that learning something new makes her proud. You know what? It makes me awfully proud too.

Davis has been at the farm for nearly a week. On the phone today, he mostly just wanted to talk to Riley (who of course was at school) and he didn't have anything to say to me. I don't know what that kids passion is going to be, but I can't help but think he is going to need to be outside. In fact I hope he does find a passion that keeps him outside.

Life in the fall always seems so hectic. But a much different hectic than other seasons. I think that the clean, crisp air makes the busy seem so much more tolerable. I know that the commitments are all of my own doing, but I want to breathe in the experiences. I want to spend all day Saturday on a tailgate date with my husband. I want to be reckless with girlfriends at Oktoberfest. I want to drink wine with friends on a Tuesday for no reason. I never tire of seeing SDC covered in mums and pumpkins. I love trick-or-treating in our perfect neighborhood. I can't say no to the things that make life. I will commit time to myself too. And time to sit in the playroom and listen to the kids. I will commit to Saturday mornings in bed with the kids snuggled around watching cartoons.

Happy Birthday Riley!

 

Daddy's girl from day one







Insistent from day one too!



2!

3!

5!

First Day of Kindergarten

Softball is the favorite sport

But we played soccer this year too

And basketball

Last Day of Kindergarten

In the Great Smoky Mountains

At Dollywood







Riley's Birth Story

I know I must have told this story 1000 times in the 7 years of Riley's life, but for me, it never gets old.

I had a pretty easy pregnancy with Riley, I was nauseous often, and sensitive to smells, and I was often sloth-like in my down time. There were a couple weeks of pregnancy I ate an unfathomable number of bags of chewy mini sweetarts. I gained very little weight (17 lbs if my memory serves) and pretty much just chugged right along. The doctor never had any concerns, nor did I, and each week was just a mark on the calendar until she would arrive.

I was 8 days away from my due date when I got the news that my step grandfather, Papa Russ, had passed away. A couple days later I was at my regular appointment and my blood pressure was a bit high. I told the doctor that I was sure it was stress from our family's loss, but she wanted to do some blood work and just double check. She also put me on bedrest and told me she would call me with the lab results soon. So I went to work, got my things, told them I would be back in a few weeks. I went shopping for books and magazines. I basically went all over town rather than home, where I was supposed to be. But eventually I settled in the bedroom and made my nest. That was on Thursday. Then Friday rolled around and by noon, I was stir-crazy. My grandfather's visitation was that night, so I convinced my husband and parents that I needed to go (and made lots of promises to sit quietly all evening). I think it helped my case that my sister was in Las Vegas for the week and wasn't going to be able to make it back. The funeral was the next morning. Saturday, August 12th. I didn't go to the funeral, but I did convince Sherman and mom and dad to go to the Missouri State Fair that afternoon. I had never missed one and I knew that I wasn't going to make it to the Fair if I didn't go that day. I don't remember my exact words, but something to the effect of "well, if the doctor hasn't called yet, it couldn't be something that bad". So we made a day of the fair. And it was hot, I was sweaty and my feet were dirty (since I was pretty much only wearing crocs at that point). But I was happy that I had gotten my annual visit in. We left the fair with intentions of getting back to Jefferson City and going out for dinner. Instead we were about halfway home when my phone rang. It was my doctor. Calling in person.
All she said was "as soon as you can get yourself ready, get on down to the hospital and let's get ready to have that baby". I was so excited I didn't even take a moment to wonder why I needed to get to the hospital. So I called mom and dad (who were in the car behind us) and asked them to follow us to our house and pick up Millie (our hound) so that we could go to the hospital.
We got home, sent Millie off, took showers, packed bags, and rushed to the hospital. Looking back I wish that I had taken a moment to appreciate that all a bit more.
Once they got me in a room, the IV's got started and the nurses started their first check of the night. Upon completion, the nurse asked me "Are you sure she told you to come tonight"? "Of course" I told her. And the words that I will never forget, "Well then you better settle in. You are 0 dialated, 0 effaced, and 0 ready to have this baby. You are going to be here a while".
The doctor did stop in sometime later. She explained that since she was on call for the weekend, she knew she would be the doctor available and it was a good time to induce me. She also explained that some of my blood work was concerning, and at this point she just thought that having the baby was the safest thing to do. She mentioned that they would be doing extra blood work on the placenta, and would draw blood from me frequently, and after all was said and done a hematologist would be meeting with me as well. I know there was more, but honestly, I was just wanting to have my baby.
So, the first 12+ hours in the hospital were just lying around. I made no progress. So 7am Sunday morning the doctor stops in, tells me we are going to try a couple other drugs. Those all start and at 10am I am dilated to a 2. I think this means things are about to start happening and get super excited. So the doctor comes back (in my mind reaffirming that it won't be long) and breaks my water. I restrained from kicking her in the face, even though every instinct in my body told me to, as the extraordinary pain from that little procedure rippled through me. I vaguely remember Sherman going to lunch. I was pretty much doubled over in pain with every contraction at this point. Sometime after noon, I asked for an epidural. I was dilated to a 5, and the anesthesiologist was already nearby so I got that done. As soon as that delightfully cold liquid hit me, I curled up and slept for almost 2 hours (and looking back that fact that they didn't wake me up to check me should have been a sign that I wasn't progressing, but whatever). When I awoke, I was certain it was going to be baby time. (I just realized we also banned anyone from coming to the hospital until after the baby was born. Mostly because I hate people waiting.) In fact I was dilated to 7 (I think, we are getting to some really hazy stuff now). Next thing I know, it is 7pm and nurses are changing shifts. I was extremely lucky that the nurse who strode into my room was actually an old friend from high school. I don't clearly remember the next string of events, but I know I was tired. I also know that at 9pm the doctor called in and gave the nurse instructions on changing and increasing my meds, and told me that I had one hour to get to a 10, and in one hour she was going to be there to either deliver the baby or perform a c-section. And shortly before 10pm I told the nurse that something didn't feel right. I assumed that meant I was headed for the operating room, but it turns out it was actually the pressure telling me to push. By some tiny miracle I had dialated to a 10. The doctor arrived and it was time to push. And I did. For nearly an hour and a helf. And around 11:30pm, on Sunday, August 13, 2006, Riley was born. Sherman cut the cord and they wrapped her up and handed her to him, where she promptly peed all over him. He showed her to me and honestly the look on his face is all I can remember, he was just so in love. At some point my parents got there, and then Riley was taken to the nursery to get cleaned up. I was shaking and vomiting and freezing. The nurse put warm blankets on me and I slept. I slept hard. I woke up and only kind of remembered that I had had a baby. At some point shortly after she came in to eat. I was moved to another room and I slept. And so did she. The next morning I took the greatest shower of my life. Seriously. I have never gone from feeling so disgusting to so great in any other shower. My sister and Seth arrived, then I can't remember. We had a lot of visitors. And all I did was lay there with Riley and I both intermittently napping. That evening, my mom brought me a homemade dinner to the hospital. It was just penne with sausage and peppers and cheese, but it was the greatest meal I have ever eaten. We went home on Wednesday (because they didn't get paperwork done on time Tuesday). And of course we had the car seat in wrong. But we made it home. With the baby. And all her stuff.

I don't think there is anyway to properly talk about how having your first born changes your heart. I can never be the person I was before that day. I can never put myself first again. I am so thankful for who Riley made me. Just by being born.

New School Year

As Riley started Kindergarten last year, I had no hesitation. She is a confident and bright lady and I never gave a thought to what her days may look like.

Now that she is starting 1st grade I find myself all kinds of wound up. The expectations of responsibility will be higher. Will she know to smile kindly at the new Kinders and help them on the play ground? Does she understand how to be helpful to others? Have we talked enough about how smiling at someone can make them feel better? Will she take time away from herself and her pursuits?

While watching some TV show, a character made fun of someone who stuttered. I immediately called the character out and told the kids how mean that person was. We, again, went through the speech about how it is never okay to make fun of someone and it is never okay to make someone feel bad about themselves.

At bedtime that night Riley asked me what kinds of things may make someone feel bad. So we talked for a while and I know that she understands. But what really worries me are the parents who aren't talking about it. I have no ground to stand on when it comes to judging another parent, I know that. I just don't understand how anyone could think it is okay to let one child make another child feel bad about themselves. I don't know how teachers keep their cool when they hear a child being rude to someone. I don't remember elementary school that well, but what I do recall, is that we all pretty much liked each other. Can you imagine going to school and hating it because of the people? I can't. I know a lot of kids who hate it because of the work, and their struggles, but I just can't even wrap my head around the people aspect.

And then again, maybe the media and hype on bullying has made me ultra sensitive. Maybe our school isn't that bad. But whether it is a problem or not, I just want to make sure that my daughter knows to lift others up, not break them down, whether they are your friend or not.

Dull Ache

I’ll start by saying, there are a great many things I want to write about in this space. I want to write a summer summary and I have so much I want to say about our family vacation. I want to record all the random things my kids say and do. But I can’t get those posts done, because my heart and mind are constantly compelling me to write this post.

The overwhelming sense of relief that I felt the morning Alicia died, and the continuing sense of relief in the immediate time after has faded away. Without her wrecked and ragged body here to remind me that death was a blessing. Without constant worry that she may be in pain. Without the confused mind and fading personality, I have a harder time grasping onto the understanding and clarity of heaven being her home. Instead of relief, I have a dull ache. I pick up the phone and start to text her. I find myself wondering what her plans are. I have to remind myself that she is gone. And at the same time I recognize that she isn’t. I feel her. She leaves signs and messages. I know that she is happy as I can feel a warmth when I sense her. But, that doesn’t change the fact that at school registration I had to cross her name out as an emergency contact. It doesn’t lessen the tightness in my chest when Riley wants to talk about Ishy.

I had a moment a few days ago where it hit me, it is a very real possibility that I will go on to have more years without my sister than I had with her. I struggle to remember the last conversation we had. I fight through the fog of those sick weeks and try to remember her telling me that she loved me without that damn white board. I think about the stories we told and try with all my might to hang onto the memories she shared that were her happiest. I think about the last time we sat around and had a drink together. The last time we sat outside on a pleasant evening. The last anything we had together. I know that with time the ache will fade, but it seems like that may take forever right now. Just like anything does when you are in the middle of it, and unable to see from a broader view.

I still see my life as a gift. And I still see her passing as a reminder to seize my gift and live more fully. To not be bogged down by small things. But that doesn’t change the dull ache. It doesn’t change the missing her.